sorry, thats the first thing to say, i suppose. i couldnt hold out for long enough.

the second thing to say is that youre not responsible, nobody but me is. im responsible for not reaching out, and for my decision to take my own life. they were my choices. you couldnt have done anything more than you already have.

and what you have done is simply astounding. the sheer volume of love that you have poured into me over the years is incomprehensible. the patience and effort and even just making me feel normal yknow, things like laughing at my shit jokes. thats special. you all did so much to keep me around.

i could write some bullshit paragraph about the romantic struggle against depression or whatever. the truth is that it’s not shakespearean if you lose. it ground me into dust over the course of years. that’s the long and short of it.

you loved me. this is a betrayal of that love, i understand. dont feel guilty for any emotion you feel about this. get angry or sad or empty. cry or dont, it’s all okay. you all kept me ticking for so long and i didnt even reach out a hand. 

some of you are already suicidal, cant imagine this’ll help. so im gonna ask a favour, cheeky, i know. live for me, if i watch one of yous come through the pearly gates by your own hand then i’ll be livid, let me tell you. 

i love you all. an embarrassing amount.

georgie