washhouse

WHAT KIND OF GOSSIP OR EVENTS ARE CONSIDERED WORTHY OF BECOMING BLASTS?

the events and occurrences that are connected to our 30-40s at school are what’s considered worthy. i mean, who wants to hear about what some loser in the 400s did today? unless it’s who he did today. but clearly, the day some washout gets to hit it from behind is the day pigs fly. next caller, please.

HOW ARE PEOPLE RANKED?

you can check out the rankings list on the home page.

people are ranked by their follower counts, their popularity at school, their money, their friends outside of school, their friends inside of school, their connections, their family, their personalities (no, being mean doesn’t get you higher on this list), their attractiveness, their fashion sense, their smarts, whether they are morally a genuinely good person, etc. 

but, if you’re someone who’s materialistic and shallow and is going to die if you’re not in the top 20s, know that your ranking is never permanent if you’re determined enough.

WHAT CAN I DO TO GET HIGHER IN THE RANKINGS?

rankings shouldn’t be something you’re worried about, it shouldn’t determine anything, this is just for fun. don’t let the pretentiousness get to you, karen. 

but, if you really wish to get higher in the rankings, associate yourself with the 25s, become known, show up at parties, at dances, be scandalous, live on the edge, do things that aren’t basic. stand out. no one likes a basic betty.

WHO ARE YOU?

don’t worry about it, honey. focus on your studies because uc santa barbara and irvine aren’t going to accept you with that 2.71 grade point average that you’re lying to your friends about. and instead of worrying about who i am, worry about the damages that the banana ice puff is doing to your innocent lungs, because newsflash e-girl, no one cares that you smoke.

HOW DO I MAKE SURE MY RANKING DOESN’T LOWER?

again, is this what you’re really worried about? high school popularity is not going to matter when you’re in college.

but if you must know, just make sure you’re keeping yourself relevant and make sure you don’t become obsessed with becoming a socialite. don’t kiss people’s asses like a desperate daisy because you’ll just get called out for it. 

i would suggest one thing though:

watch out for your climb up the social ladder, because many become tea bags; used once and drained of everything until they’re thrown out, useless and never to be seen again. and i wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.