Jesus held himself to a ridiculously high standard. He directly tells us to be “perfect” in how we deal with situations that we are designed and molded to loathe. Jesus tells us to not only forgive those who harm us in any way, but to turn around and love them and give them the shirt off your back. That’s a good sentiment and when you think about Jesus doing it you’re like, “That’s nice Jesus.” But really, that’s insane. That’s an INSANE thing to ask. If I told you that I was being sued for $1000 and not only did I pay the fine, but I gave an extra $1000 just to be nice, you’d call me stupid; and that is verbatim what Jesus tells us to do. If Jesus held himself to such a high standard, then why shouldn’t we?

We should. But churches, and specifically Young Life, do this in a way that causes more harm than good. When you strive for perfection, it’s hard. When you spend every day trying to be Jesus in every facet of your life, it’s the hardest thing anyone can do. It’s forgiveness and grace and self-evaluation and it involves an extreme amount of work. For Young Life to hold its leaders and staff to the standard of perfection seems like the right thing to do because that’s what Jesus tells us to do. There is, however, a big difference. Jesus was perfect while confronting the real world. Jesus did not live in a Jesus bubble because there wasn’t one. It was just him. Jesus stirred things up and when he told others that the way they “fast” was wrong and that dropping off a bag of money and following a set of rules was not enough to gain eternal life, he was ridiculed and successful and unsuccessful attempts on his life were taken. Jesus had his disciples that he could turn to, but they were not his community of peers or leaders, but a group of men he was mentoring. Normal men that did nothing extraordinary besides follow Jesus when he asked them to. In YL, the leadership and staff take a role to set the standard for what a life with Jesus is like. You get a group of young Jesus followers and you send them off to make their own disciples and you use the pool of leaders to establish a community. This can be wildly helpful. I know that partying is a big pull when you get to college, and I wanted to stay away from it because I wanted to follow Jesus, and the group of leaders gave me a built in community that held themselves to the same standards that I did. That means I didn’t underage drink or do drugs or party and I always had friends to walk through life with. Once I turned 21 though, I started to party; but it’s okay because I’m of age. I started drinking, sometimes too much, but not enough to be alarming. I never made horrible drunk decisions and I maintained a healthy relationship throughout my time leading. I found myself a group that strives for perfection just like I did. We all would come together and talk and then leave and go minister to our disciples. Some more effective than others, but all with a common goal. 

Here's where red flags popped up. When confronted by my Young Life guys, my disciples, about the struggles of life, I never once lied to them. Not about a single part of my life. If asked about drinking I would tell the truth and when confronted about sex I would be honest with my struggles. I became relatable and showed them that a life with Jesus doesn’t mean that you have to change as a person, it means that you can become the best version of yourself. I had a very healthy and powerful relationship with these guys that, 6 years later, I am still benefiting from. When put in the same situation in front of my peers and my staff, it was completely different. I never told the truth about my struggles. Was it for fear that I would be reprimanded? That I would be judged? That my drinking, which I saw as a non-issue, would be chastised? What about my physical struggles with my girlfriend? That was something that I did see as an issue, but I would never talk about it unless it was with my YL guys where I knew there would be a level of understanding. This just seemed to be the normal way things go in Young Life. You show up and say what needs to be said to make people happy and then you go on with your life. Young Life pushed me to perfection, but instead of owning up to how I was not perfect, and was not striving for perfection, I said that I was or whatever, and I moved on. 

The issue lies inside the bubble. When I got to college, I wanted a community that did not party, but then I started partying and a lot of the time it was WITH those people in the community. This was never hidden but that was mostly because I did not really care what people thought; however, why did I not want to party at first, but now I have no issue with it? There is a responsible way to go about it. I was open about this stance and never gave staff or leadership the opportunity to confront me about it, but I was always smart. There were others that made horrible decisions, and they were rightfully confronted by staff as they did not live up to the standard that Young Life has set for its leaders, a standard of perfection. What was kept in the dark though, was my struggles with my girlfriend. Something that ate us both alive throughout our time in college. Fear of judgement or abandon was always present, and I could never have my relationship with my YL guys ripped away from me because of my mistakes. I was stuck inside the bubble. 

The red flags became more apparent after leaving college and entering the real world. As a YL kid in high school going into the bubble of YL leading in college, you are truly never confronted with the real world. And from my experience, one of two things happen: you either keep yourself in the bubble where you’re safe and comfortable by continuing to lead or go on staff, or you abandon it entirely after seeing that the real world is much more forgiving than Young Life ever was. You can speak to peers at work that see your relationship with Jesus, despite all of its flaws, and ask you questions about faith. You can hold a conversation with people without feeling like they need to be a part of some community. You are out of a Jesus bubble and into the real world. What was most apparent to me was the freedom to let my relationship with Jesus guide my thoughts and actions. Even as a “rogue” Young Life leader that beat to his own drum, I still lived inside this set of rules that were established for me and I looked down upon those that didn’t follow them, even when I was doing the same. I was so against underage drinking, but when I started to drink, I realized the fun that it could bring, and I met new people and was judged by my community (without truly caring). In the real world, I was confronted with decisions that I had to make on my own without a guiding list of rules, and every single rule that was given to me that held no stake in my ability to bring other people to Jesus just faded away. If what Young Life told me to do did not impact my relationship with Jesus nor did it affect my ability to bring other people to Jesus in all that I do, then I did it. I followed no list of rules but strived for perfection while remaining in the real world. Sometimes that comfortable bubble calls us back and we loved it so much because of the security that it provided. I’m in the bubble so I’m okay. I’m a leader. I’m doing a good thing. I’m safe. I have friends guiding me. But, are you safe? Young Life didn’t show me how to make good disciples by not discipling me, and many times I would go against Young Life’s rules when it came to my own ministry because my ministry and the relationship I had with those boys went far deeper than my relationship with Young Life. Young Life made me a good liar and it has truly harmed my personal life in several ways not explained here. Young Life is an amazing ministry and I owe a lifetime of gratitude towards it and the tool that it is, but it isn’t the real world and it does not prepare you to make disciples after you leave its four walls. Young Life prepares you for more Young Life. It’s a matter of control.

There is a certain amount of control that needs to be had. Young Life has a reputation and needs to uphold it, so just like any organization, there are certain standards that need to be met in order to participate and that’s 100% okay. You can’t be a leader and a drug dealer because that’s going to harm Young Life’s image. You can’t be a leader and be trashed every night and sleeping around because that’s a very clear image of what Jesus is not. As a leader, it is reasonable for staff to hold you to a certain standard; however, where is the line? Where is the line between holding my personal life up to a standard and improving my relationship with Jesus? Where can I find unbiased advice about the hard questions? In the real world, Sunday school answers will not get you very far; and when the bubble has popped, you can find yourself lonely, but I am far less lonely now than I was in college surrounded by people faking it just like I was. Jesus strived for protection very much so outside of the bubble, and Young Life does not prepare its leaders to make decisions that the world demands it makes because that list of rules is gone. Young Life leading is rules, some acceptable and some not. But, what makes me truly angry, is when Young Life decides to turn its back on leaders that fail to meet their view of perfection. This is something that Jesus would never do. This is something that Young Life asks you to never do with your own ministries, so why does it do the same to its leaders? In the real world, I’m confronted with a distaste for organized religion and church on Sunday morning. I see it as fake and a rule set up by Christians to make themselves feel better, but even as I type that I feel the ridicule. This is solely rooted in my own personal relationship with Jesus and my dislike of Church hierarchies and denominations. I find them inherently against the message of the gospel and I want no part in it. BUT, Young Life demands I be a part of a church body. Why? Why when I have these questions am I to blindly follow them and why can I not get the answers I need from anyone? If church is so important, then why can no one tell me why? I’m not looking to be right, I’m looking to be wrong; but, not only am I unable to have this conversation with anyone without feeling like the devil, I’m now questioning my own beliefs since those that are supposed to be my leaders and spiritual peers are unwilling to address it. What I know to be true more than my own thoughts, more than Young Life, and more than the advice of those smarter than me, is that Jesus died for me and I have a personal relationship with him. He guides my thoughts and actions and leads me to make decisions that I would never make without him, all of which have made my life harder and more perfect in every way. Where was Young Life when I needed those answers? Where is the freedom of choice? Where can I truly decide for myself what following Jesus looks like and not be told what to do?

Young Life, where is the line? Where is the line between advising the actions of your staff and leaders to uphold the standards that a national non-profit needs and controlling your leaders into a bubble of groupthink and

 hard biases? Where is the line between promoting a healthy relationship with Jesus and telling me what I can and can’t do? Prepare your leaders for the real world, because sometimes prayer and speaking with Jesus may lead you to make a decision that isn’t what Young Life would have you make. As a Young Life kid, when you come to a decision to do something that is against the rules of Young Life, your first thought is to find out WHY you’re wrong since you’ve been told otherwise; when, in reality, you need to ask yourself why you’re right. What about your relationship with Jesus has led you to come to this conclusion? Ask for advice (if you can find it) and debate among yourself and make hard decisions. Where do these thoughts come from? Are you striving to become like a staff member or to be like Jesus? Are you changing who you are or lying to yourself about how you were created and who you were designed to love?

For some Biblical context, Isaiah 58 talks about rejecting the way that people “fast.” Isaiah says that the current Jewish people and their church just follow rules and give money to make themselves feel better, but then he instructs them on the “new fast.” Where you do not give money or food to the hungry, but you share your soul with them, and that a messiah will come to basically guide us in this new fast. This is in the old testament, and Jesus, in his first public outing ever as a Rabbi, goes to his hometown of Nazareth and is selected to read that week’s passage which happens to be Isaiah 58. Jesus reads this passage, and at the close he says, “What you have heard today has been fulfilled.” The crowd was so infuriated that Jesus, the guy that grew up there, would tell them what they are doing is wrong and that he is the Messiah the Old Testament speaks of. They get so upset that they grab Jesus and carry him to a cliff to throw him off, but of course, he slips away.

What if the decisions Jesus calls us to make are not those that the church or that Young Life tell us? When we root our relationship with Jesus in these rules, we put Jesus in a box and we reject anything that doesn’t agree with them. Jesus questioned his leaders and strived for perfection first, and through his honesty and his confrontation, he was abused. Reject religious rules. Jesus has few rules and all of them are impossible to follow, but if they are impossible to follow, then show grace. If Jesus controlled what we did with threats of departure, it would defeat his purpose entirely. The decision to follow Jesus and HOW to follow Jesus is not in a list of rules. Share your soul with the hungry. Don’t just feed them. He doesn’t specify how to get there. He doesn’t say to not struggle on your way there, and he doesn’t say to conform to a teaching. There is no list of rules to follow to get you to Heaven. There’s no amount of quiet time or money donated that can clear your conscience. Faith without works is dead. In everything you do, strive to bring other people to the foot of the cross, and don’t put Jesus in a box. Don’t put Jesus in a bubble. Young Life needs to respond to this and create a community of leaders and staff that can make their own decisions and are pushed towards Jesus when the real-world and its many difficult decisions hit. Young Life won’t satisfy your broken heart, and when your first inclination of distaste for a ministry causes you to abandon a life with Jesus, then the ministry is at fault. Jesus is never at fault. Your opinions, rooted in scripture, matter. If you have a distaste for organized religion, then confront it from all angles. If you don’t have a problem with drinking alcohol, then find out why Young Life or your church says you can’t. These organizations are masters at manipulating you into thinking that a life with Jesus has a formula. There is no formula. The gospel is flexible and can be applied to all different lifestyles. Question authority and let the only thing you know to be true, that a life with Jesus is better than a life without Jesus, guide your actions. Seek advice and differing interpretations, not a set of rules to make it better. It won’t.

Young Life is not bad. Churches are not bad. Anything with the goal of bringing other people to Jesus is wonderful in this dark world. But, ask yourself how they go about it: Do they show you Jesus or do they control you? Do they just feed you, or do they share their soul with you?