I had a dream within a dream (false awakening?). I don’t remember the ‘outer’ dream much though, only the deeper layer.

In that scene I started in front of my apartment building. Cosmin, my godfather’s son, was playing outside with the kids he usually hangs out with. Suddenly I hear Gabi, one of those kids, saying how he just died, like seconds ago. How Cosmin died was that he was so fat he exploded like a balloon. Like, the fact that he was fat wasn’t necessarily the cause, but a necessary (though not sufficient) premise. After exploding he just vanished out of thin air, there was no blood, no corpse, nothing. I remember the moment he exploded I heard a giant boom and felt the ground shake, in the dream, but I wonder if there was something in real life that shook. I’ll never know.

My godfather (his father) hears that and he was behind me. He didn’t say a word, but was probably obviously upset. I was entering the apartment building and so was he. I was wondering whether he’s following me or going to his place. Eventually I figure out he’s climbing the stairs after me so I just keep walking. I enter my apartment, my dad and mom are in the kitchen. Seconds after, the doorbell rings. I ask who’s there (For some reason I didn’t look through the peephole?) and I get no response. Either way, it was obvious who it was.

I tell my dad that Cosmin just died and that his dad came here and just rang the bell, implying that probably because he’s angry and wants to take it out on us and that I should be careful. My dad takes a knife with him and goes to open the door (so I don’t have to open it myself in case my godfather does something impulsive). I tell him to not bring a knife so the situation doesn’t escalate but my dad just tells me to shut up and that he knows what he’s doing.

The godfather comes in our apartment. He starts talking to my dad, they talk normally, even cheerfully, for awhile. I was getting more and more upset with his presence though, and angrier each second. He walked in without taking his shoes off, I screamed at him to take them off. Then he wasn’t wearing a mask, I told him to do that too, but he just ignored me. And then I just didn’t want him there, and I kept telling him to just go away.

After awhile then, he starts walking towards me and I start walking back. I scream again at him to put his mask on and he’s like “whatever, here, I have my mask on” but he continues walking towards me. He ends up cornering me into my room and after I have nowhere to escape he starts beating me. I keep screaming for help to my dad, but no answer, no help, I just have to stand there and endure it.

I woke up from this dream into a false awakening. I realize that in the larger dream layer, I was writing in some sort of book or something while the whole dream happened, but I really forgot all the details of that outer dream.

**REAL LIFE INFORMATION:**

I know what the symbolism for my godfather is about, I’ll try to be brief and present the backstory. He’s a very angry personality who reacts impulsively and does whatever to protect his son, anything other than admitting his son could be in the wrong (Cosmin is a spoiled kid).

Many years ago another friend had a slight conflict with Cosmin where Cosmin was acting like the biggest fucking brat and ended up getting a bruise from my friend. Then his father got out, physically attacked my friend, threatened him, etc. and he threatened to kill me too and stuff and verbally assaulted me as well because apparently I was “at fault for bringing him here” (??). Police got involved, relationships were broken, etc. 1 year ago him and my dad made up in a bar and my godfather gave me a bunch of cash as a method to make up and apparently now we’re officially made up I guess but I still don’t talk to him.

Other stuff is that he’s also called Stefan (in fact I’m called like that after him) and the symbolism of godfather in general but I doubt it. The fact that he was mad *because* of his son dying indicates to me that the first interpretation is related.

Also, Cosmin is fat in real life too.

**ANALYSIS**:

My intuition this morning told me to look at what traits I have in common with my godfather. Where am I acting impulsively and angrily just to protect something important to me? Cosmin dies because of being too fat (“inflated” ego, spoiled kid) and if we look at the actual fight in real life from a few years ago we could say that Cosmin getting bruised is his dad’s fault for spoiling him (and thus thinking he’s the center of the earth and talking shit to people), not my friend’s fault for treating him accordingly. In the dream this is shown as a metaphor by his dad inflating him so much he explodes and, thus, hurts him.

So what am I protecting so much that I am actually hurting myself and I should take the opposite approach? The first thing that came to mind while writing the previous sentence was the meaning of my last few dreams, where I have to stop overthinking and pushing my own interpretations of what could go wrong with Andra and just listen more and let things happen. By caring about the potential relationship I could have, I’m taking measures like overthinking what to say, etc. but I’m actually only hurting myself while doing that, and I should instead act as if I cared less (similarly to how Cosmin’s dad should have ‘acted like he cared less’, i.e. being less overprotective and spoiling him less).

Also imposing yourself can hide insecurity and I think that analogy fits here perfectly too. Talking about oneself can be a means to conceal oneself, so if you’re afraid of awkward silences, of what others think of you, you just need to act more arrogantly, talk more, etc. This can be compared to my godfather’s imposing attitude. He was just a show of strength. He didn’t actually want to kill anyone, he was just acting like a Gorilla trying to flex its muscles.

The symbolism is not over however. My dad takes a knife to protect me if things go wrong just in case. But my dad ends up getting along with him perfectly, talking and laughing along, and when he comes to beat me my dad’s not helping me. It’s almost as if he’s on his side. But my godfather already represents “who’s in charge of my real life decisions” (all characters are part of myself actually) so I need to think of other things my dad could mean. For that, let’s look at how he handled the situation in real life.

What comes to mind is the first scene where I panicked (I was only about 12 when it happened irl) and went crying home to my mom that she should get the police involved and that my godfather is verbally abusing me and my friend and threatening to kill us and shit. She called my dad who was coming home right then. He went and talked to Cosmin’s dad calmly, knowing that this conversation and what is said in it might be used against both of them *if* this ever escalates to the police. Meanwhile my godfather kept screaming and being angry. So there was a clear contrast between the two, two opposing ends of an archetype. My dad is the calm me who analyses the situation and thinks ahead of time, my godfather is the opposite.

So then what is the dream telling me? That the two sides actually get along and that my calm side isn’t coming to help me when the impulsive side beats me up? So then who do I rely on? And what’s the deal with the knife? “Sharp words”? My dad being “sharp as a knife”? And why did I not want him to have the knife on him? I was afraid of the consequences, what if a fight breaks out and someone gets killed?

So then back to the symbolism of him being the rational side who takes action in dating, etc. I’m afraid of asking questions honestly, letting (subjectively) awkward silence happen, being to the point instead of making jokes, etc. because of the consequences. This is a classic, people who are paradoxically afraid to talk to their crush etc. because of consequences when in fact that’s what will bring the most negative consequences.

So the dream shows me then that my two opposite end archetypes can co-exist just fine, that a balance can be created, that the knife won’t kill anyone.

The last symbolism is the mask. I insisted more with the mask than the shoes so it’s more relevant. It can mean two things: The first is something that you must wear to protect others. I felt that my boundaries were being crossed by my godfather and just didn’t want him around, he was stepping on the carpet with his shoes on, didn’t wear the mask, etc. and just wanted him to respect my personal space.

The next is mask in the figurative sense, a façade. Put the two together and we get that my own rash, gorilla side acts fake to protect myself. This checks out. Like Nietzsche said, talking about oneself can be a means to conceal oneself. The more arrogant you are, the more you talk about yourself, the more you try to fill in the silence with jokes every 0.3s, the more afraid you are.

Without a surprise, that side of me starts wearing the mask right before beating me up. And my rational side (dad) is not there to help me, despite how much I scream in pain.

ReLight analysis:

“what's also interesting is that you explicitly (and unconsciously) used the words 'false awakening', which might be another signal from your psyche

demanding patience and shit, that you're not 'woke' yet, even if you think you are

interesting choice of words

everything must be inspected: the words you use to describe the dream aren't trivial things to toss aside

I also think this is a sentence you should think deeply about: "...I keep screaming for help to my dad, but no answer, no help, I just have to stand there and endure it."

despite your last sentence in the analysis

as for symbolism, you can also take the godfather storming inside the apartment as an invasion of the psyche, and also defiling it with boots and shit

"I just have to stand there and endure it" can be a resignation to fate as a "oh fuck well, shit man" but it can also be taken as a new resolve, a more natural way of living life—that whatever happens, even if you're abandoned by the father himself (Rationality aside, think Jesus himself and abandonment by his 'god father'), that even if your trusted rational faculties and the excuses or coping methods you've lived by fail and shit happens and people don't act the way they're supposed to—whatever happens—you just gotta stand there and endure it.”