Hi friends I can't stick around at the moment but have been feeling a bit icky about something and was just hoping to throw some thoughts out here and if anyone has input I'll check back later cause I would really really appreciate it?

Basically, my long distance boyfriend of 3 years visited me this past weekend and we had a really amazing trip! But there's something that I've noticed for a while that bums me out about our relationship that was particularly evident this weekend. Basically..... he doesn't actively show interest in any conversations unless they're about media? 

He's someone with a lot of passion for various books, movies, video games, and whatnot, and it legitimately brings me so much joy to hear about the things he loves and get to share them with him! But for the past few weeks I've really been feeling like that's the only thing he will ever talk to me about. That's not to say he shuts down conversations about anything else, he just.... does nothing to continue them? Like for example, whenever I want to talk about my personal life--work, friends, family, emotions, anything like that--he'll nod and smile and say "Mmhm" at all the appropriate times but he'll never engage any further. He never asks any questions, makes any comments, or contributes his own thoughts to these conversations--he just sits there and listens but never responds. I tell him often that this makes me feel bad, but the conversation is always exactly the same, pretty much like this: 

Me: -tells this whole long story, continually waiting for interaction from him that never comes-

Me: .... So, uh, do you have anything to say about that?

Him: Not really? I just like listening to you.

Me: That's really sweet of you and I know that, but I really wish you would actually respond to me too. That's great that you're listening but I feel like this conversation is really one-sided and like there's not really a point if I'm the only one talking. I know you care about what I'm saying, I'm not doubting that, but I really want you to talk to me also, or else the listening doesn't really mean anything.

Him: Okay.

...

-silence until I change the subject- 

That happens a lot when we're skyping-- usually he'll talk about one of his passions for a couple hours, won't pick up on any cues when I try to change the subject, then will finally yawn and ask if there's anything I want to talk about. I will say he seems tired and we can talk more later, he'll insist he really wants to hear what's going on with me, and then I'll half-heartedly tell him, even though I no longer care about the conversation because I know he won't be nearly as engaged as he was about the previous topic, and sure enough, he always just goes mute and nods, etc. I usually chalk that up to the strenuousness of a long distance relationship and tell myself it'll be easier to REALLY talk in person, but this weekend it happened with something a more serious than just wanting to talk about my day so I don't know if that's true anymore.

It started when our train to meet my siblings for dinner got delayed and I got incredibly stressed out (I always feel a lot of pressure to be perfect for my family but that's a different problem lmao). I could tell my anxiousness was bothering him, which of course activated a vicious cycle that just made me even more anxious, and it ended with me... probably having a panic attack in the middle of the train I guess? I was struggling so hard to keep it together that I couldn't even tell if he noticed, but I knew I couldn't be seen by my siblings like that, so I tried to resolve things when we got off the train. I told him "Hey, you might have noticed I was really freaking out on the train. I could tell that my anxiousness was annoying you but you weren't saying anything, so that made me even more anxious, and that's why I had to retreat into myself until I could calm down. Could we please talk about what happened?"

I got the predictable "It's alright, I'm not annoyed at you" answer that was genuine and sweet but completely failed to address the rest of my concern, so I tried again, saying "Okay, that's great, but I feel like this happens a lot because I get really stressed out that you never talk about how you're feeling and I never know if I'm guessing what you're thinking correctly, and that makes me really uncomfortable. Can we talk about it?"

I just got a very noncommittal mumble in reply, so I tried one last time and just said "You know, when you don't respond to me when I tell you how I'm feeling it just makes me feel worse than if I never said anything at all."  

He didn't respond at all. I know he was trying to make me feel better because for the rest of the walk he kept doing things like lightheartedly bumping into me and pointing out cute dogs that passed by, so I really don't want to sound like I'm complaining about him being heartless or anything like that because I know he wanted to make me feel better, but the fact that he wasn't doing what I had directly told him I needed just made me feel even worse, because then on top of feeling anxious and paranoid, I felt guilty for not appreciating his attempts at kindness more. 

And like.... I'm someone who definitely has trouble with confrontation (a it takes me a very long time to even identify what it is I'm feeling in the first place, b it's then very difficult to put those feelings into actual words c) even once I've managed those two steps it's nearly impossible for me to actually voice my opinions without just bursting into tears), but I feel like in these kinds of situations I've actually been really, really honest and clear about what I want, but it's producing zero results so I really have no idea what else I can do.

I suspect that this whole thing is related to some undiagnosed Brain Things (signs seem to point to autism) on my bf's part, and when I've tentatively brought it up to him he agreed that that's probably true, but had no desire to actually look into it more, so that conversation went nowhere. I respect the desire to not pursue a diagnosis, but to resist any kind of introspection, even when I'm actively telling him that his communication habits are putting strain on our relationship, is just... frustrating. I want to be as understanding as I can and make communicating as comfortable for him as possible, but I'm not sure how to do that when I don't even really understand what is causing the communication difficulty in the first place. 

Maybe this is something that has just been exacerbated recently because he's out of school and unemployed and consuming media is how he spends the majority of his time these days so that's the only frame of reference he currently has, or maybe this is something that has always been like this and I'm only noticing now because my interests and needs are changing as I'm growing, but.... idk, this just feels Bad because I love him a lot and really want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm not sure how that will work if I'm constantly feeling like I'm missing something from him. Especially rough because words are my love language and they are obviously not his--I've made peace with the fact that, say, I can never expect love poetry from him, but expecting expressions of interest in my life and self that seem so basic to me doesn't seem like so much to ask.

So... um.... pls halp??