(yawn)

Morning dude. Did your sister leave already? Oh shit, is that hangover food? And coffee too. Wow, you’ve got me all figured out.

(gulping sound) 

Hey, can I borrow your phone real quick? I think someone might’ve stolen mines last night. Or it fell into a black hole somewhere.  

(giggle)

Thanks man. I just need to call my mom real fast, you know how she is. 

Go! Focus on cooking!

-short pause or optional phone dialing sounds- 

Hey mom, it’s me. Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a few too many to drink and ended up sleeping at my friend’s house. I know mom, I know. I’m fine! Her brother’s even making me breakfast! Yes mom, he’s such a good boy! What? Mom! No! Yuck. I’ll be home later, ok? Love you. 

She says hi. So anyway, do you mind if I try to find my phone with yours? Cool, thanks dude. 

Wait, when did you get Hannah’s number?

(gasp)

Oh. My. God. Dude! What the fuck! 

(nervous laughter) 

No, man. It’s nothing. Really. It’s just.

(nervous laughter continues) 

I…um. I accidentally saw your dick pics. 

(nervous laughter continues)

Awkward! 

(nervous giggle) 

No. no, dude. I’m not laughing at you. It looked nice, super nice. I just, uh. Yeah. Wow. 

(a deep breath) 

I can’t believe you sent them to Hannah. Like dude. You know she’s a total weirdo, right? Yeah, man. She’s sort of like, a prude that collects dick pics. It’s not a weird fetish thing either. I think she really likes the attention. She’s like the, I’m better than everyone else type, I guess. 

[In a sarcastic voice] So yeah dude. Good job there! 

(giggle) 

Don’t blush! It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Dude, don’t worry! I won’t tell your sister, I’d never hurt your feelings like that. Especially after you made breakfast for me! Come here you! 

(optional hugging sounds)

So, yeah, I should get back to finding my phone. I promise I won’t peek at your stuff again! 

-short pause or an optional door opening noise-

(a deep breath) 

Fuck it. 

[in a muffled voice] Fucking, shit! 

(laughter) 

Damn, dude. 

(laughter) 

Wow. Jesus Christ. Wow.

(a deep breath) 

-short pause or an optional door opening noise-

Yeah I found it. It was dead so I helped myself to your charger.

-short pause-

So…hey, listen. Can we talk?

*Oh god*, your eyes blew wide open when I said that. 

(laughter) 

Well, hold your horses. Sit down with me. I want to talk. Come on! 

-short pause-

[in a nervous voice] We’ve known each other since like, what? God, the 4th grade? I think I met your sister a bit earlier than that but, we’ve always been taking care of her, huh? Hell, she used to call me mom because I was a bit older than her. And you know, in a way, I am. I’m always there when she’s in trouble and…so are you actually. We’re kinda like, mother and father to her in that way, aren’t we? I mean, we’ve been through some real shit together but, I’ve never actually thought of you as like a brother, but like, as a friend, a really good friend, a friend who’s always been there, you know?

(a deep breathe) 

I’m saying that because I don’t want this to be weird, with me seeing your dick pics and all. Dude, that kind of stuff, it just sticks with you. When I close my eyes, I bet I’m gonna see your big ole’ dick flopping around! 

(giggle) 

So yeah, I never thought of you as a brother but rather as a friend. I just wanted to clear that up. Because, you know, they say that true friends are supposed to be able to do things for each other that no one else can. I mean, I know who’d let me crash at their place but you’re the only one who’s actually cooked for me afterwards. Not even your sister does that! That’s really so sweet of you so I feel like I should do something that nobody else can do for you, too. 

How about…I try deepthroating you? 

(giggle)

Yeah. Deepthroat you. I mean, our relationship’s already crossed some boundaries by me seeing your dick pics. It’s not like we’re gonna be a couple or anything like that. Just a little, well, a lot of deepthroating! 

Come on! It’s already kind of weird for me. Sucking you off isn’t gonna be that much weirder. Besides, I only saw your dick pics for like a few seconds but I’d bet that no girl has ever fit that whole thing in their throat. I mean, even Hannah said she was shocked, and her hobby is collecting dick pics from horny dudes around town. Plus! Deepthroating big things is like, one of three things I’m actually good at, not gonna lie.

(giggle)

Hey! I’m not like that! I practiced on some pretty big bananas is all I’m saying. Your sister’s tried too, actually.

(laughter)

You should see the look on your face! God, you look so cute when you’re flustered. So, come on! What do you say? Would you rather I lecture you about medieval European religious anthropology? 

Cool? Cool. I’m glad you feel the same way too. 

Let’s slip these off you now…

Holy shit! I was impressed when I saw your dick pics but…in person? You look so much bigger than in those pictures. And you’re not even hard yet! Jesus Christ, it’s already bigger than any guy I’ve been with! 

Fucking jeez. It feels so heavy too. How have you not locked down a girl all this time? There’s probably hundreds of girls around campus who’d want to try this. 

Wait, wow, really? You’ve only been with that nerdy girl back in high school? Shit dude. Well, actually, from reading your texts with Hannah, you don’t really got much game do you?

Oh. Uh. Okay, I guess now’s a good time to confess. I kinda…sorta…looked at your dick pics again when I was looking for my phone. Like, all of them. To be honest you should spruce things up a bit and use different angles or something! 

(giggle) 

Yeah, sorry dude but I was just, you know, so curious! And *intrigued*.

Besides, not every woman wants a flirty guy. Some girls absolutely adore nice gestures like, breakfast in bed, a monogrammed mug, or a shoulder to cry on. I mean, as long as you can fuck her brains out, either way’s fine, really.

(giggle)

And with how big you are, that should be easy! 

(laughter) 

Has any girl even tried to suck you off though, dude? Like, for real, I bet most can’t get past the head, you’re just so big. 

Dude, you know and I know that’s not a blowjob. She’s super brave to try, but you need someone with experience to even attempt to handle your monster.

And Hannah! You should’ve told me or your sister earlier that you were trying to go there so we could’ve saved you the trouble. She wouldn’t let a dick half your size go near her so you wouldn’t even have a chance. She’d probably tell you to jerk off and call it a night. Never mind the fact that she doesn’t even suck dick. 

How lame that would be, huh? I know like, at least half a dozen slutty bitches who’d die for a night with this thing, no strings attached, and you chase after Hannah instead! You’d at least call me tomorrow, right? 

(giggle)

We’ll see. No promises though. Just focus on getting hard for me first. I’ve never been with a guy as hung as you are, and it’s already getting so big and fat in my hands. I can’t wait till it’s at full mast so I can start sucking on it. Drool all over it. Gag on it. *Deepthroat it*. 

(a series of kisses as if she’s kissing his cock) 

Look how big this thing is, fuck! And hard, too!

(more kissing sounds) 

You know, I heard that big dicks were supposed to be kinda soft but you’re getting so big and hard for me, it’s actually really incredible. I’d bet it’d feel more incredible hitting the back of my throat though.

(giggle)

Oh it’ll happen. I’ve deepthroated some really big fruit in my time. Just nothing as big and warm and full of cum as your dick is. Have you even gone balls deep inside a girl before? 

I don’t blame her either. But you’ll be balls deep inside my mouth today. 

(more kissing sounds) 

Fuck! You’re fully hard now, aren’t you? It’s such a gorgeous looking cock too, much better than those shitty camera angles you tried to show it off with! 

(laughter) 

Wow! Really? This is the fastest you’ve ever gotten hard? Me talking dirty got you good, didn’t it? Guess you’re as excited as I am! 

(giggle) 

Let me just put my hair up first.

-short pause-

There we go. Pony tail, check. Choker, check. You ready for my head game, big guy? 

(kissing sounds followed by sucking sounds for a short duration)

You’ve never had morning head, huh? It shows, you’re leaking so much pre-cum! 

(sucking sounds for an extended period of time) 

Fuck! You’re making my jaw sore already and I haven’t even tried deepthroating you yet. Can we take a break?

Whew. So. You get one. Which part of my body do you want to see? Don’t get too excited man! I just need to keep you hard while my mouth rests. 

My ass it is then! 

-short pause-

Jeez, you must’ve wanted to see my booty for a long time, huh? Weren’t my Instagram posts enough? 

Good point. I guess you can’t see my ass like this on there. 

Yeah, I did get kinda wet sucking you off but…

(spanking sound) 

This hangover and your big cock? You might actually fuck my brains out. 

(giggle) 

Yeah, I shaved it last night. Or, the night before? Anyways, I thought that I was gonna get laid but I kinda just passed out on your couch instead. Pretty shitty, huh? But at least you get to see my pussy. I haven’t been fucked in a while too, so it’s really tight. I bet you’d want to be in it, stretching me out and making me scream, but any slut can do that for you. I want to do something no one else can do for you. So you’re just getting a nice, messy blowjob today. 

(a series of kisses as if she’s kissing his cock)

Besides, your dick’s so big that it’d take us so long to get you in there. I’d just be squirming and hollering and you’d just be struggling to get off. Worshipping your huge beautiful cock is just way more fun than that, don’t you think?

(more kisses)

You can grab my butt while I suck you off, at least! 

(clears throat)

Ok, let’s go again.

(sucking sounds for a short duration that transition into gagging sounds) 

Fuck! How far did I get? I told you I’d deepthroat you! It’s not your entire cock but, I’m just getting warmed up! 

(sucking sounds that transition into gagging sounds for a longer duration) 

See?! That was farther wasn’t it? This choker is my blackbelt in dick sucking after all! 

(laughter, followed by sucking sounds that transition into gagging sounds for a long duration)

Are you getting close? I felt it throb. 

(sucking sounds transition into gagging sounds)

Holy fuck! That was your whole dick wasn’t it? I’m really proud of myself, not gonna lie. Biggest thing I’ve ever deepthroated, *by far*.

(giggle)

And all because of how nosey I was! Guess I’m more throaty, aren’t I? Huh? Huh? 

(laughter, followed by sucking sounds for a short duration)

Mmm. Let me suck on your balls too. God, they look so big and juicy right now with my spit running down them!

(sucking sounds for a short duration) 

You’re getting really close aren’t you?

(sucking sounds for a short duration) 

Jeez, how nice of you to ask! I want your cum in my mouth, big guy, I love cum, and I’m dying to taste yours.

(sucking sounds for a short duration)

It’s better than any hangover food, no offense. 

(sucking sounds for an extended period of time that transition into swallowing sounds)

[In a sarcastic voice] Wow. Fantastic tasting cum, dude. It’s definitely top ten. I haven’t tasted cum in a while, so there’s a lot of competition.

(giggle) 

So. Do you want my breakfast sausage now that I had yours? 

(laughter)